He who loves his wife loves himself (Ephesians
5:28).
These few paragraphs from Paul regarding marriage say that a
man should love his wife with a sacrificial love, and that a woman should
respect her husband. This is the theme picked up in Emerson Eggerichs’ Love
and Respect [3], a book I have found valuable for both
counseling and in my own marriage relationship.
Eggerichs identifies the
Crazy Cycle, in which a woman who feels unloved withholds respect
from her husband and, likewise, a husband who feels disrespect withholds love
from his wife.
The flip side of the Crazy Cycle is what Eggerichs calls The
Energizing Cycle. In this cycle,
feeling loved motivates a wife to respect her husband, and feeling respected
motivates a husband to love his wife. And both need to be unconditional.
In other words, when I love my wife unconditionally, it results in her
respecting me unconditionally. Bottom line: I win! Paul reminds husbands that He who loves his wife loves
himself. Knowing this, I would be a fool to not love my wife. Providing
her deepest need results in her providing my deepest need.
Proverbs 14:1 reads: The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. This is the same
lesson aimed at wives. Giving unconditional respect motivates unconditional
love. End result: She wins!
We have more influence than we might think.
TODAY’S MEDITATION
What preconditions are you
demanding from your spouse before giving your “unconditional” love or respect?
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