He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28)These few paragraphs from Paul regarding marriage say that a man should love his wife with a sacrificial love, and that a woman should respect her husband. This is the theme picked up in Emerson Eggerichs' Love and Respect [1], a book I have found valuable for both counseling and in my own marriage relationship.
Eggerichs defines the Crazy Cycle, in which a woman who feels unloved withholds respect from her husband. Likewise, a husband who feels disrespected withholds love from his wife.
The flip side of the Crazy Cycle is what Eggerichs calls the Energizing Cycle. In this cycle, feeling loved motivates a wife to respect her husband, and feeling respected motivates a husband to love his wife. And both need to be unconditional. In other words, when I love my wife unconditionally, it results in her respecting me unconditionally. Bottom line: I win! Paul reminds husbands that He who loves his wife loves himself. Knowing this, I would be a fool to not love my wife. Providing her deepest need results in her providing my deepest need.
Proverbs 14:1 reads: The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. This is the same lesson aimed at wives. Giving unconditional respect motivates unconditional love. End result: She wins!
We have more influence than we might think.
What preconditions are you demanding from your spouse before giving your "unconditional" love or respect?
[1] Eggerichs, Emerson. Love and Respect. (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004).
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